Today's the day ;

well , todaayyy's the day we'vee been waiting for ; MAY FIRST 2010 ; this day is going to be really hard ; feels like im waiting too have hhim , all ova again ): never thought it would be this hard ; but its two in the morning , an i cant even go too sleep , an i havee too be up early in the morning , so we can get everythiinng readyy an get all the stuff we need for Anthony's first birthhday ; i cant believe he's alreadyy ONE ; i never thought it would go by this fast ;; i wonder if he would be crawling right now , talking ? walking ? so many questions that i wish could be answered , but never will be ): thats the hard part of it too , not having your questions answered ; i'm not readyy for all of this ; i'm terrified ; an dont know what im going too doo ; im going too break down , in front of everybody , an thats not something i want too do ; i hope everythhing goes perfect ; we're picking the cake up at noon tomorrow ; an im going too take picturesss of everything , so the wonderful friends i have on here can see what a wonderful birthday parttyyy we had for Anthony ; i wishhh i had an Anencephaly mother down here ; so she could tell me how things went for her baby's first birthdayyy partyyy ; i wish Anthony's headstone would be up for his birthday , but unfortantly , its not ): an the cemetery toook his marker ; which wasnt right , i wish something was there so thatt everybody would see juss where he was ; you cann still see , but there should atleast be a marker or something there ;; they are some hateful people ; i'm hopeing by next year , we'll havee his headstone up ; (: im going on an on bout everything , im so stressed out ; an scared ;