it's beeen awhile .

it has beeen a LONG time since i have posted on here & i'm sorry ! i am no lonqer with Anthony's father , he doesn't even claim him . i am currentley datin sumbody else now & he calls himself Anthony's dad . which means ALOT too me ; he loves my child & does anythin he can fur him . he is helpin me pay fur his headstone ; & he has a wonderful job & i am lookin fur one nowww (: he has alittle boy , who is qoin too mean the world too me whn i qet too meet him . he won't be born till January . i juss wanted tooo update everybody on everythin . & aqain , i am sorry it's beeen awhile .

sorry again .

hi everybody . i juss wanted too let everybody know we have moved into our new place & things are going greaaat . tonny has a great job wid my uncle . everything seems too be workin out now(: makes me feel so much better . he is going too start helping my dad wid paying off anthonys headstone . which is a really good thing . life seeems too be falling in place for us now . i juss want too get a job now so we will have more income coming it & more things to do wid our money & less we have to worry bout . i cant wait till tony & i can get married & continue our family(: i hope everything is working out for everybody else . (:

06.09.2010 .

I'm sorry that i haven't been on here in almost a month . Alot is going on in our lifes right now . Were in the process in trying to find a new home . But , we have been doing reallyyy well . my birthday juss passed by . (: 17 , but nuthin special . found out that we owe $281.00 left on the headstonnnee . an really glad<3 it will be paid off really sooon . but agaiinnn , i am really sorry fur not being on here lately ;; how has everybodyyy been doing ? is everyybody been doing ohkaay ? (:

♥05.11.2010♥

I hope everybody had a wonderful mothers dayyy(: mine went veryy weell ☺!! last years mothers day was really hard because I had Anthony on the first , then we had the viewing on the 6th an then we barried him on the 7th , an then turn around on the 9th , it was Mothers day ; so it was really hard on me ): well ; sorry , this isnt going too be verryy long ; i juss wanted too see how everybodys mothers day went ; an wanted too show ya'll something really cute(:
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Äñ╬Höñ¥§ MòmM¥ && DÅdD¥(:

⌂ Happy Mothers Day ⌂ (:

Happy Mother's Day too ALL of you(: I hopee you ALL have a wonderful mothers day ; juss know that your wonderful ÅÑGÉL§ from above are watching you (: I'm sorry I havent posteed pictures from Anthony's partyyy¥ but the site wont let me ; i dont know whyy ; but i wish i did ;; because i wanted ALL of you too see em ; but I have em on my myspace ; an everybody is welcome too add me ; Juss type in " Karie Guinn " an you'll find me ; or Dadsangel2993@yahoo.com you cann type in either of those ; an you'll find mee ; an im the only one there with "Anthony's Mommy" as my name(: but again "Happy's Mothers Day" everybody ; GOD BLESS YOU ALL(:

May 1st , 2010 ;;

well ; his birthdayy went well ; found out who my real friendssss are ; an there isnt veryyy many people eithheeer ; an you should know who you are ; we did something different , didn't go as planneeeed ; who bought this fence kinnnda thing , an put it around his grave , an put the angel we bought in there , a friend bought him a bear , and some flowerrrrs ; then we got some balloons an everybody wrote something on them , an tieeeed em too the fence (: but we got two more that everybody signeeed an let one go , an we're keeepinnng one(: we had cake , which turned out pretty well ; pictuuuresss will be up soon(:

Today's the day ;

well , todaayyy's the day we'vee been waiting for ; MAY FIRST 2010 ; this day is going to be really hard ; feels like im waiting too have hhim , all ova again ): never thought it would be this hard ; but its two in the morning , an i cant even go too sleep , an i havee too be up early in the morning , so we can get everythiinng readyy an get all the stuff we need for Anthony's first birthhday ; i cant believe he's alreadyy ONE ; i never thought it would go by this fast ;; i wonder if he would be crawling right now , talking ? walking ? so many questions that i wish could be answered , but never will be ): thats the hard part of it too , not having your questions answered ; i'm not readyy for all of this ; i'm terrified ; an dont know what im going too doo ; im going too break down , in front of everybody , an thats not something i want too do ; i hope everythhing goes perfect ; we're picking the cake up at noon tomorrow ; an im going too take picturesss of everything , so the wonderful friends i have on here can see what a wonderful birthday parttyyy we had for Anthony ; i wishhh i had an Anencephaly mother down here ; so she could tell me how things went for her baby's first birthdayyy partyyy ; i wish Anthony's headstone would be up for his birthday , but unfortantly , its not ): an the cemetery toook his marker ; which wasnt right , i wish something was there so thatt everybody would see juss where he was ; you cann still see , but there should atleast be a marker or something there ;; they are some hateful people ; i'm hopeing by next year , we'll havee his headstone up ; (: im going on an on bout everything , im so stressed out ; an scared ;

ONE MORE DAY , TILL THE BIG DAY;

it's only one more day away ; an its tooo soon ; i'm not ready , i'm scared ; it's so stressful ; i dont think i will beable too sleep at night ; its like im having him all ova again ; I wanna say thank you too some peoplle ;
An the first person I would have too Thank would be ,
Tony(: ; - baby , i want too say THANK YOU for everything ; an iloveyouwithallmyheart an i wouldnt know what too doo without you ; i'm glad Anthony has such a wonderful daddy like you ; your always there for me , an i wouldn't beable too do this without yooou ; iloveyoubaby(: <3
Amber ; - Thank you girl ; your always there when all these harsh people wanna talk about Anthony, an you always know what too say when i'm upset ; thanks for being there when Anthony was born , an now for his birthday , you amazing(: thanks;
Holly ; - Thank you for everythin you send too us for Anthony ; you know what its like losing your little angel ; your somebody else that I can talk too , you you understand what I am going through ; its like Anencephaly mother too Anencephaly mother ; it would be hard in i didnt have you too talk too ; thanks for everything you have done for Anthony, Tony && I ; your wonderful , an stay wonderful, i'm sure all the other Anencephaly mothers love youu juss as much as i do<3

Two More Days Left(;

First , I wanna think you Holly ; your so sweet , an thank you for sending us that beautiful card ; we will deffently take it out there too Anthony an read it too him Saturday afternoon ; I'm so scared though , its only 2 days away ;; an i'm not readyy ; i'm juss glad im going too have my friends , an family there with me ; an most of ass TONY ! he's been the beggiest help ever ; people/immature girls where saying that it was good the god took Anthony from me ; that really hate me last night , an had me in tears ; it is was all ova drama ; i got in a fight with a girl , an then after her other friend was liikee it was a good thing God too Anthony from you ; an that was taking it alittlee WAY too far ; buttt I cant believe our little Angel is going too be ONE in two days; ): it went by wayy too fast ;; i'm not ready for our little boy too grow up so fast ; i juss wish we could have him here with us , an him be in our arms during his partyyy ; its going too be the most hardest thing ever ; i'm going too cry the WHOLE time ; ): I'm juss reallyy thankful that i'm going too alwayss have tony by my side , all my wonderful friends on here , myy friends that I know in real life , an my family(: thank yoou everybody ;

Six More Days ):

Anthony's birthdayy is in sixx more days ; its hard too believe ! It's Tony'ss momma's birthday tooday(: she's up there holding Anthhony for us till we can make it up there(: she never got too hold Tony , so she's holding her grandson (: I've prettyy much got his party planned out (: this is going too be REALLY hard on us ; I'm juss glad I'm going too have Tony && All my friends by myside ; I cant wait till Anthony's party(: an again , if you wanna send something , then email me ; ; ;

Anthony's Birthday !!

Well ; As everybody knows Anthony's birthday is 11 days away ! I never knew how fast things went ; it feels like I juss had him yesterday ! I didnt know how hard it was too plan a birthday party . Were getting him a cake , inviting ALL our friends . Getting ballons , an writeing something on them , an letting them go (: I'm getting a photo album thats going too say Anthony's First Birthday Party (: cant wait though . I know I'm going too cry , an its going too be REALLY HARD ! If anybody wants too send anything too us , FOR ANTHONY ! Juss ask me for our Address , an I'll welcomely give it too you , and take ya'lls precents too Anthony(: I cant believe it's already been a year ; May First was juss around the corner ; we love our baby boy(: I wonder if he would be saying momma or dada first ? There is so many questions , an they will NEVER be answered ): I wish we would have never lost our baby boy ): I never knew how hard it was too lose somebody till we lost Anthony ): People always talkin bout its hard , an now I know what their talkin bout . Havin Anthony in our arms for 7 hours an 53 minutes , well I can say those 7 hours an 53 minutes where the best hours of my life !! If your wanting too send somethinng too him , email me at Lil_Tonys_Daddy@hotmail.com an I'll send you our address ! Thanks everybody(:

Anthony is 11 Months on ;

WOW ! Time has went by so fassst ; it seems likee it was juss yesterday that we juss had him in our arms ; would he br crawlin now ? or said mama or dada ; ? i've had some HATEFUL people say stuff bout him ; sayin that I killed him ; an that they can have kids that will live ; an I can't; stuff like that hurts my feelings; ): sorry this is going to be short, but its late ; an I thought i'd update ya'll bout what people say ;

Anthony's Almost A Year Old !!

Anthony's birthdayy is cooominng up ! He'll be ONE! I cant believe it; Time has went by to fast . Its going to be hard not having him here wit us for his first birthday . I wonder if he would be walking right now if he was here? or if he would be saying DADDA or MOMMA? This questions will NEVER be answered; is he already crawling?

something I have came up with ; I got the first part off the internet; but the rest is from my own wordsss;

Will we know our baby when we meet again?
Will he have grown, not be the infant that died in our arms?
Will we recognize him, beable to find him among so many others?
or will he be a stranger to us, not knowing who we are,
or us knowing him?

Do babies grow in heaven?
He never got his first tooth, or said his first words.
No first shoes, no Santa, no first birthday cake;.
Will our son still be a baby when we meet again?

Do babies grow in heaven?
Who sings his precious lullabies?
Who hold him close and kisses him everyday?
Who tells him constantly that they love him?

Do babies grow in heaven?
When we next meet him, will he know us?
Will he want to know us?
Will he be our son who died 7 hours and 53 m inutes after birth, or a man , fully grown?
Will we have the joy of being a dad&mom to our son for all etermity?

Do babies grow in heaven?
Will we beable to hold him, love him, sing lullabies to him?
Will we beable to hold his tiny hand, or will it be a man's hand?
Will we ever have the joy that only holding our son can bring?
We need to know ! In heaven, is our baby still a baby?

Hi Again Everybody !!

Sorry everybody ! I haven't been on here much. It's beeen a while. I just wanted everybody to know were doing goood ; missing Anthony , but it will be like that for the rest of our lifes. Sometimes I sit here and think that he's just staying the night with my mom or Tonys mom . But its not like that. When I sit here, I know he's not coming back to be in my arms, and it gets me upset. I'll never get to hold him in my arms untill I pass away and go to heaven and meet with him again ! The other night Tony&I watched the video we had done for the viewing, where is shows all of Anthonys pictures, and we couldn't help but cry ! It's not fair that we wont get to have Anthony in our arms again ! ITS NOT RIGHT ! We want him back; I dont understand why it had to be US ? There is so MANY questions I have, and they WILL NEVER get answered . Life just isnt right with out Anthony ! He'll be a year old in FOUR MONTHS ! Time went by to fast. I wonder how much he weighs, who he looks like now ? This is the HARDEST thing we will EVER GO THROUGH !